Okay, so having a three year old AND a middle schooler and home, it should be no mystery that I am struggling with the concepts of independence. On one side, I have a pint sized preschooler, usually operating in turbo boost, to get away with as much as she possibly can before getting caught. On the other side, Chloe, my oldest. The child of my heart. The child I have not seen since dropping her off at her Grandma’s house on Friday morning. Why? Because she clearly adopted a social life when I was not looking. In addition, David and I are still living with the day to day struggle of trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up and how to get there. What can I say, these are the hazards of getting married young.
Independance. The very thing I have strived my whole life trying to achieve. The thing I see my kids striving to achieve in some way each and every day. What is it about independance that makes us act so crazy sometimes?
As I was convincing myself to get out of bed this morning, I was contemplating all that I did not do yesterday. I was thinking about skipping church, getting those things done and setting myself up for a nice, lazy afternoon. (Dont Judge me, you were thinkin it too!). As I rolled over to doze back off, the thought hit me. “I have to go to church. If I don’t, Chloe might go missing in action again! I have to go to church to pick her up!” As I made my way to the coffee pot, I looked out the back window. And there she was. My beloved mama bird. Every morning, she is outside toiling away while I do my bible study. She is generally gathering branches and twigs for her nest. Sometimes, she is rooting worms from the ground for breakfast. But like clockwork, she is there. In addition, there were two smallish bunnies race tracking around Madi’s slide. Isn’t it funny how God has a tendency to bless us through nature?
This morning, as she does every morning, the mama bird reminded me about the verse in the bible that says we should not worry about what we should eat, drink or wear. God provides flowers their clothes and birds with their food. How much more important are we than the flowers and the birds? Mama bird doesn’t know it’s Sunday morning. She just knows it is another day to toil and provide for her nest of beautiful babies (conveniently located behind my porch light). Why can’t I depend on God in the same way?
As I struggle with the need for independance in my life; not only my desire, but my children’s as well, I am reminded that we were not created for independance, but Dependance. Dependance upon God and each other. To be strong where I am strong and to allow others to be strong where I am weak. To live in interdependance with the amazing people God has placed in my life. As I begin a new week, I am going to try to take some of the world’s weight off of my shoulders. Life is not dependant upon me and my ability to be all things to all people. Life is dependant upon God and his ability to work through us as his chosen people.
Now I have to go. Madi just dumped the entire box of cereal on the floor because she, ” wanted to do it by her own self.”